or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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