your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
