The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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