capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
