What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All the doctor said was why
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
