I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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