Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize