I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
