Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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