i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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