I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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