do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
