too bad you live with your parents still
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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