bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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