Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
