either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
