dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
