last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
