New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
