it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
