I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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