Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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