my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
