Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
