Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
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dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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