Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
