Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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