I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
