I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
