Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
