I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Never underestimate the power of titties
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