dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
