I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Everything about him screamed your future.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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