Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
