I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
