yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
