His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
