I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
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If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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