so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
