I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
