I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
