i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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