I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
do herpes really smell.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
