I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i've created a new STD.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
