Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
