Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
