Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
