I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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