After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
