U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need moral support for this bender
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
