have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
