i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
