The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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