Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
where are you?
Hypothermia
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
