I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you made out with another girl for some wings
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
