i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
