i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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