My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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