Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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