Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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