oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
