happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So many bounce houses so little time
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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