yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize