6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
