My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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