Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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