Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
